I was Meant to be Your Mama

I think any parent can identify with the overwhelming feeling of protection when it comes to their children. Protecting them from harm, adversity, and all of the negativity in the world. We are instinctively protectors, care-takers and nurturers. Seeing our children sick or in pain, weakens us, it shakes us to our core, and makes us question our own strength. Maybe this is where the expression “loving someone so much it hurts” comes from? Because seeing your children hurt makes you, as a parent, hurt ten-fold. That is why, the day that Ethan was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition I can honestly say I felt my heart shatter into a million little pieces.  What I didn’t know at the time though, was that those pieces were really just falling into place…aligning perfectly for me to be Ethan’s mother. I now know, without a shadow of a doubt, I was truly meant to be his mama.

Most of my life I have struggled with the ability to handle and express my own emotions. I have never had a problem taking on the issues of my friends and family, constantly playing the part of a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on, offering advice when asked, and trying to provide support…but when it comes to myself, I struggle. In the last year, our lives have been turned completely upside down, and I’ve been encouraged to write about it. Maybe it will help someone who is struggling with their child’s recent diagnosis, or maybe it will sit on the internet unread, but I’m hoping it will provide me with an opportunity to express myself, or to possibly connect with other special needs parents. Whatever it may be… this is our story…Ethan’s story…


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